An ode to Neubayern Weisbrau

I think that I should never see
A beer so lovely as thee

....Nahhh, the meter doesn't work. Let's go again:

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art tastier, and more drinkable

....Er, no. One more try:

Fifteen men on a dead man's chest,
yo-ho-ho and a bottle of Neubayern Wiesbrau!

Oh, screw it. I¹m no poet, but I do know that Neubayern Weisbrau is the best damn beer ever invented, and represented the apex of Commonwealth civilization. No, you can't have any. I scored my supply from a depressurized section of GS 92910, where the vacuum of space preserved it for posterity (well, for me at least) while keeping it out of the hands of those wacky kids.

But to assuage your thirst a little, here's a recipe for a reasonable Neubayern facsimile that I¹ve been working on, with a little bit of help from Trance, who's been helping me experiment with brewer's yeast cultures.

Seamus Harper's Old Tyme Mock Neubayern Weisbrau, version 8.1

5 lbs. Wheat
3 lbs. 6 row lager
1 oz Tettnang (45 min before end of boil - alpha 4.7%)
½ oz Saaz (25 min - 3.8% alpha)
½ oz Saaz (10 min - 3.8% alpha)
1 oz. Alurian yeast, variety 10-1-284 ("Ascendant special" -- inquire with Seamus Harper as to availability)
Mash in 11 qts and protein
Rest 30 min @ 130 F
Starch conversion 90 min @ 149 F
Mash out and 1 hr. @ 168 F
Boil 1 hr., adding hops as specified above.
Starting Gravity 1.042 @ 72 F

Makes ten gallons.

Note: for some strange reason, this recipe seems to work better when fermented in the engine room. Høhne tells me it has something to do with interacting gravity fields and the exotic matter pulser mixing the ingredients, but that chinhead wouldn't know a Dom Kolsch from a Dom Perignon. Whatever the case, what you'll end up with is a mighty fine brew.